Men don’t kill women out of ‘love’: stop Femicide!

stop femicides

 reblogged from Feminist Current with thanx
Early Sunday morning, Colin Kingston showed up at his ex-girlfriend’s house, angry and equipped with a large knife. He allegedly let himself in through a back door* and went up to 21-year-old Kelsey Annese’s room, where he found her and Matthew Hutchinson, 24. He and Annese had dated for three years until she broke up with him and moved on. Finding Annese in bed with what he presumed to be her new boyfriend, Kingston stabbed them both, then called his father, saying that he’d murdered his girlfriend and that he planned to also to kill himself. When the police showed up, all three were dead.

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Why? Well, according to the media, he was heart-broken.

“We believe Mr Kingston was distraught over the breakup, which led to the events yesterday,”Officer Szczesniak told reporters at a media conference. Dozens of media outlets happily picked up on this angle.

One headline asks, “Did a broken heart lead Colin Kingston to kill two people?Another states only, “Matthew Hutchinson, North Vancouver hockey player, found dead in N.Y. state,” leaving readers confused as to why the female victim — the primary target of the violence — was so easily erased from the story. “A 24-year-old New York man angry about a recent breakup fatally stabbed his ex-girlfriend and another SUNY-Geneseo college student before killing himself,”Heavy reports.

What we are to believe, in case it’s unclear, is that “love” caused this man to kill a woman. This is a message we hear so often, it probably seems reasonable to many. But it’s not reasonable. Men do not kill out of “love,” they kill out of a desire to control. “If I can’t have you, nobody can,” is a common refrain we hear from abusive men. And, often, they mean it.

Kelsey Annese, 21, and Colin Kingston, 24
Kelsey Annese, 21, and Colin Kingston, 24

Every day, three women are killed (here in Canada) by their abusive partners or ex-partners. It is known that women are in the most danger of injury or violence when they leave or try to leave their abusers. Are we to believe that these men are killing their ex-wives or girlfriends because they are “heart-broken” or “distraught over the break-up?” Or can we tell the truth, and say that men kill their partners because they want power over these women — because they want control, because they believe they own their wives and girlfriends?

Men who kill their partners tend to be possessive, jealous, controlling men — they feel entitled to “their” women. And so when these women escape, their last ditch effort at complete control is murder. “You cannot leave me, I own you.” They would rather see these women dead than accept rejection or the idea that women are free to make their own choices about their lives.

Hours before the murders, Kingston had been seen (Saturday night) in the Geneseo bar district. He had, reportedly, been making “suicidal comments” to people.activist_cd_juarez.jpg_1718483346

The media and the police want us to believe this was a “crime of passion,” but showing up with a knife at your ex-girlfriend’s house, after you were out, threatening suicide (something abusive men often do in an attempt to manipulate their partners into staying or coming back), doesn’t sound like a “crime of passion” to me. It sounds like an entitled, possessive man sought out his ex-girlfriend in order to punish her for the crime of being free — free from him.

The more we talk about men’s violence against women as “passionate” or as something uncontrollable — attached to love or heartache, the more we excuse things like domestic abuse and male entitlement. There are plenty of women in this world (men, too!) who have had their hearts broken in the most gruesome and unfair ways… And yet, their emotions haven’t led them to kill. This kind of violence is a gendered crime and we must name it as such. Disguising the truth will only lead to more violence — this we know.

*EDIT: Initially I’d read reports that said Kingston had been let in, but it sounds as though he, in fact, let himself in through a back door.

Meghan Murphy

 

MEGHAN MURPHY FOUNDER AND EDITOR OF FEMINIST CURRENT, IS A FREELANCE WRITER AND JOURNALIST. SHE COMPLETED A MASTERS DEGREE IN THE DEPARTMENT OF GENDER, SEXUALITY AND WOMEN’S STUDIES AT SIMON FRASER UNIVERSITY IN 2012 AND LIVES IN VANCOUVER, B.C. WITH HER DOG. FOLLOW HER @MEGHANEMURPHY

to comment go to original here: Feminist Current
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    The one thing I was surprised you didn’t add, is the obvious premeditation of the crime. Colin went to a local retailer & purchased the knife. Then eventually made his way to Kelsey’s home & killed them both. He was clearly disturbed, mentally handicapped. It shouldn’t be justified as a crime of passion or a love crime. I agree. Hate crime. 😦

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    Colin was my friend. I ran track with him. Did plays with his siblings. His parents are some of the best people you can meet. His family, especially two of his amazing sisters in his large family are important to me and everyone in my community. What he did is never ok, it is horrible, indescribable and i am deeply saddened that he thought that was the only option for him. But please, before you tear someone apart to make them a piece of your agenda, remember that people are individuals. All three of them, even Colin, had loved ones. They are left to mourn this complicated death. What do you do when your son, brother, friend, takes two lives and then leaves your world forever as well? Maybe the reason the police are wording it in that way is because it is a small town and we all know and love each other, as individuals who were in a very tragic circumstance. It makes me feel ill to see strangers talk so insensitively about what they don’t know. Even if they had a similar experience. It wasn’t the same one. These three families can never get their children back. That is deeply sad. Just… be sensitive. Please.

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      My “agenda” is to prevent women from being murdered by men. Of course he was a person who was loved and not all bad. But that doesn’t make it ok for the media to cover this situation as simply something that happens when men are “heartbroken.” Yes, the whole situation is sad and I’m truly sorry for your loss. But it is very dangerous to frame male violence against women in this way, regardless of how the man in question behaved in other areas of his life.

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        i think you have a very good cause. I just felt that it wouldn’t be an awful thing to add a little humanity to the situation. I’m know too many people too close to it not to want to protect his family and loved ones from seeing him flattened, or not fleshed out as a human, although it is inevitable. I’m not defending his or anyone elses actions. not by a long shot. Nor trying to diminish the importance of the world being a safe place for women. I wish there was a good way for the media to approach it that neither condones that outlook, nor makes a deeply troubled person a target for the hate and anger of strangers (not you, but i’ve seen genuinely wrong assumptions being made elsewhere). This isn’t your responsibility or battle. your personal quest is to call attention to the world for the safety of women, i get that. It’s just a wistful thought. Trust me when I say I never thought so deeply into these kinds of stories from this point of view until I was found myself here

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    No one let him in the apartment. He opened an unlocked door. Get your facts straight. PS: I live in Geneseo and know all three individuals involved.

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      Several media reports state he was let in to the house. I’ll investigate further. Either way, I fail to see what real impact that has on the story at all…

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    Thank you. Your post is exploding off of my page – you’ve distilled it to the core. I lost my cousin and her daughter to her ex over 25 years ago. Each time I learn that it happens again, the pain and anger return. These are crimes of hate.

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    Why can’t we call it a hate crime? Rape especially.

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    This is SPOT ON. Thank you for crafting this very important message. I hope others will read it while the media continues to portray this as some unfortunate love triangle and that we can help everyone see the root of this issue. Great job!

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    It was obvious to my 14 year-old self that there was something wrong with the Tom Jones hit “Delilah”, in which the treacherous woman is slain with an operatic “Forgive me Delilah, I just couldn’t take ANYMO-O-ORE!!” So I sent it up, performing it impromptu in the halls of Lisgar Collegiate High School, down on one knee and with horrifying vibrato.

    Our sense of injustice is keener when we’re young.

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    As long as they can keep a significant number of people brainwashed into believing in “crime of passion” bull dung , they don’t have to begin to DO anything about changing the societal conditioning which almost forces us to be receptive to the idea that there is something excusatory about such assault and murder. Too often it appears as if there is more protection from the SPCA for dogs and cats than there is protection for women and children. What this entitled white guy did was evil. Finding any sort of excuse for his behaviour is also evil. He slaughtered two people. ‘Nuff said, dammit!

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      Entitled needed to be said, but White guy? Why Even introduce race into this? The author nailed it perfectly, it doesn’t need to be dragged down by attaching the race card to it ~ People really need to stop doing that!! Men who kill for control, who feel entitled, who feel they own their women, come in all colors, shapes and sizes.

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    Women are brought up to think love is wanting the object of their love to be the best they can be, often requiring considerable personal sacrifice. Men are brought up to think love is owning another person, like a slave or a dog. It seems like men have a considerable way to go before they get on board this whole equality thing.

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    I SO want to see this long standing horrible legislation disappear. Have any countries eliminated this excuse for murder?
    Can we start a campaign?

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    Right on.

     

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    Any and all gendered violence (against women) is consistently excused and normalized. Only the sickest of societies could peddle the bullshit that love or passion has ANYTHING whatsoever to do with murder. Especially when it’s clearly premeditated as in this case. Male entitlement and their violence of all kinds has been so thoroughly assimilated as somehow ‘natural’ and therefore to be expected that there is basically nobody but radical feminists joining the dots and being written off as ‘man-haters’ for their trouble. Another spot-on analysis Meghan.

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    God, I can’t even imagine what her roommates are going through. This was such an awful thing to read. It also demonstrates how the patriarchy and male entitlement harms, and often kills, men too. What a mess all around. Condolences to her and her friend’s family. 😦

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