BREAKING NEWS, LOCAL NEWS
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BELEAGUERED budget airline RyanAir have made thousands of apologies available to customers following the company’s mishandling of flight cancellations, for the low, low price of just €4.99 each.
The airline was forced to cancel up to fifty flights a day between now and October, following a holiday allowance backlog that left them with a critical shortage of pilots, cabin staff, and trumpet players.
Grovelling apologies to the 400,000 affected passengers who had their holiday plans cancelled with short notice have now been added to the Ryanair website, and boss Michael O’Leary has kindly allowed people to pay with cash, cheque or credit card.
“There is a processing fee for apologies purchased using credit card or cheque,” said a spokesperson for Ryanair, ignoring a chorus of ringing phones at their customer service department.
“And of course, if you want your apology sent out to you, then there’s a slight fee for that too. But apart from that, every customer that was left in uncertainty about whether or not their holiday was going ahead will be fully satisfied with their apology. Just take a number in our queuing system and have your payment method ready, and we should get to you within the day, if not the week”.
Ryanair went on to announce that all affected passengers would be entitled to compensation, which would be available in the form of scratch cards.
from waterford whispers
THE United States have issued a stark warning to North Korea about the level of retaliation they will face if they attempt to attack US citizens or bases with any form of gargantuan mutated monster, following intel from Pyongyang that the DPRK has come into possession of a Godzilla.
“We have received a dossier that North Korea may be about to unleash a Godzilla, or possibly a Rodan on US naval warships in the Pacific Ocean,” stated President Donald Trump, clearing his schedule from any investigations into irregularities with his administration so that he could properly address the developing Kaiju crisis.“The American people will not stand idly by and allow a dictator such as Kim Jon-un to threaten our way of life with a massive, city-stomping, fire breathing lizard creature, okay? Everybody, we need to concentrate all our attention on this. The entire west coast is at risk… have you seen the size of these things? Huge. Trust me”.The statement was met with scepticism from many opponents of the trump administration, who stated that Godzilla was a creature who was more connected to Japan, not North Korea, and that the North Korean administration had neither the capacity nor the resources to create a Kaiju of their own, even a shit one like Baragon or Megaguirus.
Nevertheless, Trump pledged to divert huge amounts of funding into the US Space X and Mechagodzilla program, promising to meet any North Korean Kaiju attack with ‘massive firepower’ the likes of which the world hasn’t seen since Destroy All Monsters.
see also.. US already had A Korean anti-nuke Peace Deal but Violated Every Single Clause. *real post
ACCORDING to the latest available figures from the Central Statistics Office a total of 487 people died as a result of that thing Ireland doesn’t talk about in 2013.
The deaths continue on from a trend started in 2007 which has seen the numbers of people dying from that thing we don’t talk about increase.
While a number of factors have been attributed to the rise, concerns have been raised about the prevalence of that thing among the youth of Ireland.
“It’s troubling, and I want with every fibre in my body for something to be done about it, but look if it’s alright, I’d prefer you didn’t bring it up at all,” spokesperson for the Irish Commission On Things We Don’t Talk About Suzanne O’Gorran told WWN.
The government also stressed its reluctance to talk about the thing, but is said to be relieved the statistics have come close to levelling off.
“That is a relief as we can now look into how to continue to do nothing about it, if we get this right, we could even cut funding a bit,” a government spokesperson shared with WWN. The government confirmed it was available to talk about the recovery, road safety campaigns and sugar tax.
Many members of the public have admitted to being aware of someone they know doing that thing, but owing to the troubling nature of talking openly about something in Ireland, they remain reluctant to speak.
If you would like to talk about it, click.. HERE.
“Only 2.3 percent of respondents in a July poll by Spain’s Center for Sociological Investigations considered the lack of government the country’s major problem, and the figure is getting even smaller.”
adapted from a Derrick Brose post in TheAnti-Media.org.. with thanks
For more than nine months, Spain has existed without a traditional national government. In the face of this lack of central authority and planning, Spaniards have done ”the impossible”: they have thrived without a government.
Spanish politicians warned the people that allowing the national government to fade away could have disastrous effects. However, as the New York Times notes, “the crisis seems to have offered a glimpse of life if politicians simply stepped out of the way. For many here, it has not been all that bad.”
“No government, no thieves,” Félix Pastor, a language teacher, told the Times. Pastor said the people of Spain were better without a government because the politicians were unable to cause any more harm. Rafael Navarro, a 71-year old pharmacy owner in Madrid, told the Times that “Spain would be just fine if we got rid of most of the politicians ...” Continue reading Spain doing Fine: There’s No Government like No Government